I'm awfully selective about souvenirs. Sometimes I buy a handful of beads. Sometimes I buy postcards of famous works of art rather than waiting in line for two hours behind hoards of German, American, and Japanese tourists. These wind-chimes seemed like a good idea at the time.  Cute shop. Downtown Hamburg. Made in Deutschland.  Right price. Right price. Right price. 

I neglected to think through the logistics of carting around ceramics in a backpack for three weeks  

Vases: $1.25/ea at IKEA

Candles: $2.99/8pk at IKEA

Wind-chimes: 1€ and lots of effort

I'm paranoid that evolution is trying to get rid of me because I have an irrepressible genetic drive toward the impractical.  I wear 7lb necklaces and cart around a $175k investment I call a brain. 

A chair that's too crappy to sit in doesn't seem so bad, eh? 

Wicker: Roadside find

Mat: $1 at Dollarama

Cushion: Grammie's old sweater

People have varying levels of comfort with my trash obsession.  My parents take it as affirmation that I'm indeed their progeny.  My boyfriend finds it amusing (to a point).  My friends find it heroic. Endearing. Funny. Amusing. Cool. Interesting. However you want to put it, most people are on-board with my hobby of choice. 

One roommate, however, found it down right contemptible. To avoid hostilities I used to have to tell her I was going "shopping" on trash collection night. 

Dresser: Courtesy of Armadale Avenue

The number of iterations of van Gogh's "Starry Night" in this world makes me shudder.  Van Gogh's "Starry Night" with an inspirational quotation scrawled below has to be some kind of wall art abomination.  Google it if you have your doubts.

So instead I tack gift wrap to the wall. 

Paper: $4/each at Write Impressions

I'm decisive.  Opinionated.  Blunt.  Bold.  Brutal.  Strong minded . . . even single minded.  No moss grows on this stone. I take no prisoners, nor do I pull punches.  

Then why the hell did it take me 37 minutes to pick out 5 bottles? 

Vases: $.75 each at IKEA

The number of accessories I buy is directly proportional to the number on my bathroom scale.  One can never be too hefty for a pair of earrings, and they surely don't make you cry when you're shopping for them. 

Don't pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about. 

Earrings, rings, and bracelets: All less than $2 each, most less than $1. From yardsales, H&M, and Kohls. 

Seasonal merchandise is not my friend. And I make a fuss about this. To everyone. Yesterday I saw a St. Patrick's day lei, melamine Valentine's shot glasses, and some hiddeous rabbit thing that I assume was associated with the resurrection of Jesus of Nazareth. 

It's my shameful secret that I have 24 Christmas ornaments strung along my window.

Paper decorations: $.50/12pk at IKEA

Despite my miserable grade in undergrad statistics, I know that the probability of me winning a chess game is precisely 0.  My ability to concentrate is the square root of embarrassment, my patience is an imaginary number, my enjoyment of the game is a null space.  But damn, I love the way that chess box looks. 

Tin: $.10 at rummage sale

Letter box: $3 at yard sale

Wooden chess box & pieces: Brought back from Hungary by my sister

Tea is my other (much quieter) boyfriend. 

Tea Pot: $4 at Double Take

Cozy: $1 at church rummage sale

I've wanted a bowl chair since I lived in an ovary.  I lurked around Pier 1 so much I had stalker status.  When it was closed, I used to smush my face against the windows.  You know in the movies when lovers run across the fields to each other? yup, that's me and this chair. 

Chair frame: Ultimate roadside find

Cushion: Fattie shed and threw up on it so Lesley didn't take it with her. 

Pillows: $20/each at IKEA

Now these are beautiful women.  I can't dare to think that I've earned my place. They earned it for me. Now they keep me company whilst I struggle to throw together a salad . . . 

Acrylic painting: $2 at yardsale

I slept on the cold tile floor of my first apartment for two months when I first moved to Toronto. No money. No car. No friends. My parents eventually passed through town. 

Day 1: They offered up some cardboard for a bed 

Day 2: They canvassed Toronto and returned with the above chair. 

Day 3: I cried. 

Day 4: We went to IKEA. 

Chair: Free

"You have the patience of Job." I've heard that more than once. This occasion was 5 hours into an Italian-Ecuadorian wedding.  The only guest I knew, my boyfriend, made sweet love to the open premium bar. Then he made even sweeter love to the dance floor - wearing above sombrero. 

Sombrero: Courtesy of $20k Woodbridge all-inclusive wedding package

Boats: dumpster find 

Picture of Nick & frame: $12

Nick: Priceless

Nick's mom likes to drink expensive tea. I like to steal expensive tea cans. 

Round tins: Thanks Mrs. O!

Square tin: $.25 at church rummage sale

"Erin, the next time you take up a new hobby don't tell your mother." My dad after going through airport security with nothing but a change of clothes, a suitcase full of knitting needles, and a hazmat suit. Don't ask about the hazmat suit.

Heaps of yarn & full set of knitting needles: $1 (shout out to big momma's yard salen' skillz)

If I could do it all over again I'd be tempted to pick my religion based on its artistic merits: Hindus have the most kick-ass gods, Islamic calligraphy and ceramics make my eyes juice up a little bit, Buddhists get to drape rainbow prayer flags all over the place, and let's not even start about how Jews protect the Torah - with beads, velvet, and outta control embroidery. 

But I do love Jesus. 

Batik Hindu Goddess: $3 at Double Take

"Where does the pink tint end and the orange begin? Distinctly we see the difference of the colours, but where exactly does the one first blending enter into the other? So with sanity and insanity." Herman Melville (except he said violet instead of pink . . . whatever). 

Boxes: $1 each

Jars: $3/set at auction

Candle holders (if you're a girl) // Rocks glasses (if you're a boy): $1 each