If you average out what I paid for this flower pot and the sheet of paper that it now holds they only cost $20 000 each. Sadly, neither the degree nor the pot are really living up to their potential . . .

In reality:

BSc: $40 000

Jazzy flower pot: $0, roadside find

In life, sometimes you are the stick and sometimes you are the piñata.

A little water stained Mexican joy for ya: $0, roadside find.

I once read that my Myers-Briggs type (INFP) tends to misread social situations and dress inappropriately for them as a result.

I had some of these seahorses danglin' from my earlobes (sloshing around on my fushcia jumper) on my first day of a solo class with a very sober-minded Oxford educated Kantian scholar. He was in cufflinks.

Ooops.

Seahorses: $0, from Emily

Blue dish: $?, from box o' stuff at auction

Green dish: $0, roadside find

If I ever get married, I'm just going to tack this creation on my head. Fascinating. Fascinator.

I'm dead serious.

Latern: $3 in Greektown

Vines, flower, bird: $1 each at Dollarama

My sister lives 5 hours away. I haven't seen her in 2 years. Ridiculous, I know. But then I had this reminder of how the Green family operates.

A Green Scenario

receive 2am e-mail from dad

leaving in a few hours to visit Marla

pack under the influence

9am

walk to bank

bank closed on saturdays

that's not what it said on-line

hail cab

nearly die jaywalking

next bank open

line up

hail bus

Dad, you don't hail busses

no change

pay too much

detour en route

walk north to 2150

no car rental place

walk south

ask teenager

blank stare

walk more south

nada

give up

hail another cab

address is not 2150

it's in the 2600 block

way to go Dad

pay cabbie

Dad, you have to tip

wait for rental

wait

wait

wait

no Aussies, you want an SUV, not a minivan

wait

get car

I forgot my licence

beg to get car long enough to go get licence

back in 20, promise!

construction

speed bump

grab licence

grab drunken packing

go back

show licence

let's take the scenic route

scenic route is an hour north of the city

1pm

hwy 7

traffic

slow

because it's the scenic route

pretty countryside

ooo. yard sale

slow traffic

turns

curves

cows

ooo. garage sale

turns

curves

more cows

skunk

ooo. yard sale

Peterborough.

4pm

still practically in the 'burbs

more scenic

more cows

more farms

more slow

more traffic

stop to change drivers

mooch map usage from gas station

scenic route leads to Ottawa

Ottawa is not on the way to Montreal

screw you Rand McNally

three maps

three different scales

two brains

we're going to Ottawa

there's a bridge in Ottawa

definitely

one to Quebec

absolutely

follow scenic route to Parliament buildings

Dad, "Why are you taking the scenic route?"

Erin, "You're asking me this NOW?"

miss the bridge

visit Prime Minister

back track

find bridge

find Quebec

find another scenic route

scenery makes me ill

Quebec is more winding than Ontario

at least we're in the right province

beer is cheaper

supposedly

stop

pee

more mooching of maps

8pm

got it

arrive at camp in time for campfire?

drive

dirty windows

massive glare

stop for beer

stop for wine

Dad impresses the locals with his French

locals laugh

hungry

poutine

why not?

almost 10pm

okay

this is it

next stop? camp

find Montreal

find highway to camp

need exit 83

pass exit 52

ugh

find camp

pull in

see dogs

see sister

at last

11:30pm

At least I got a tin can out of it.

Tin: $.25 at yardsale

Picture myself. Studiously perched, legs crossed, lukewarm coffee precariously close to the edge of my desk, flipping through a heap of books in search of my next profound thought.

Too bad the broken leg on this chair is a barrier between me and greatness.

Vinyl joy: $0, roadside find

The city garbage collectors' strike has been ironically disappointing for a dumpster diving treasure lovin' girl like me. You think 5 million people with no where to put their trash could cough up something better than two plastic vases . . .

Vases: $0, roadside find

Perhaps the whole lexicon of manhood can be reduced to 'B' entries:

beer, boxers, beef, bars & burps . . .

. . . and bbqs.

Charcoal BBQ: $0, roadside find