This has been in my apartment since the dark ages or the 1960s or something. I like looking at it.

Slow cooker: $0, abandoned by tenants past

Why do girls like tea so much? I don't remember having a single imaginary tea party as a kid, but now it seems that tea paraphernalia takes up about 18% of my kitchen space.

I couldn't resist picking this one up, so I better go find a pink dress and a few stuffed animals.

Tea set: $0, roadside find

The theory goes that owls keep seagulls (and hence seagull shit) off your boat. So 1993 saw the adoption of our little plastic brother, The Owl Decoy. Sadly, 1994 saw the loss of one of it's googly eyes. In the minds of my parents the most natural thing to do was go out and buy an eye patch and turn it into The Pirate Owl Decoy.

And you wonder why no one wanted to be my partner in grade 8 gym.

Bit of plastic Green family humour: $0, roadside find

Because the one thing my life really needed was a few more accessories . . .

Buttons: $1.30 total at fabric store

Ring backs: $.50 each at bead store

Why do packages of rub on letters come with equal numbers of all 26 of our letters? Clearly nothing has been learned from two decades of Wheel of Fortune.

Being an empathetic soul, I concocted a craft using all the leftover V, W, X, Y, Z, Q, K's, and so on.

Being a more empathetic soul, I did not resist my cat's efforts to claim the one patch direct sunlight in our whole apartment for the sake of a blog photo.

Cards: $0, destash from Emily

Rub-on letters: $1 each a Dollarama (read: $27 just to get enough damned E's for a craft)

Laura doesn't know this yet, but this book will one day be a Prairie Peasant original. Hi, Laura :)

Who knew old Readers Digests were so hip?

Book: $0, roadside find

Cushion cover: $4 at Fabricland

I'm no utilitarian when it comes to junk. Joy knows no measure of practicality.

Israeli Chanukah candles: $0, roadside find

German ski wax: $0, roadside find

The universe has interesting ways of correcting this thing we call 'pride'. I was diligently scraping and gluing and cutting and taping and just generally doing a bang-up job turning this junk into funk. And pretty darned pleased with myself for doing so.

Then I knocked it shut. Locked. Key inside. All kinds of pliers and crowbars came out, as did some foul words from my mouth.

Exhausted efforts. So my Dad took it and (without taking his eyes off the tv) popped it open. Using the button that was there all along.

Jewellery box: $0, roadside find

Ribbon and fabric: $0, scraps

Ego: Unfortunately that's free, too

I looked up "hate" in the dictionary the other day. Won't say much about the circumstances that warrented such an activity. However, I was relieved to find that it just means "strong dislike." Whew. I figure if we use the word 'love' so flippantly (e.g., I love chocolate cake) then a casual use of hate might be okay under these circumstances.

I hate white walls.

A little blue cardboard gem to alieviate some feelings of strong dislike in my life: $4.00 at Double Take.

This tower of tomes set me back less than a one-way bus fare.

'nuff said.

Treasures: $0 leftovers from yardsales, $.25/2 at Double Take for paper backs and $.50 for hard covers, $.50 leftovers from booksales at school

It only took 5 nail holes to get these girls 'n boys parallel and going in the right direction. I'm gettin' good in my old age. Good kitchen birds, eh?

Duck, hen, rooster: $1 for a 4 pack at Dollarama

Canvases: $2 each at Dollarama

Paint: $1 in mis-tinted bin at Lowes

I get these strange self-improvement type ideas in my head all the time. They emerge. Then die as soon as my attentions are drawn to something more scintillating (i.e., just about anything else). However, when I'm 113 there's a solid chance that the mood to improve my non-existent baking skills will still have not struck this poor undomesticated soul.

Rusted baking tins, then, are safe in my house . . .

Yellow tin: $0, roadside find

Red tin: $.25 at yardsale

My skills as a sommelier extend to two basic principles

a) there's a difference between red and white

b) always go for a bottle with an animal on it

Exception to the animal rule funky wine bottle: $11.95 at LCBO

My favourite "Why did the chicken cross the road?" (What's yours?):

Q: Why did the frog cross the road?

A: Because it was stapled to the chicken.

I heard that when I was a kid in the '80s and I just laughed myself into a wheeze just typing it . . .

Swan box: $3 at yardsale across the road

Spray paint: $5/can at Lowes

The only time I think I'd want to be a boy is if I were a bird . . . they always get all the better colours.

Tiles: $4.50 at Michaels

Bird: $1 at Dollarama