About three years ago I ate something that's still with me. There's some kind of food object that keeps repositioning itself under my laptop's key board. It's always kinda exciting when it moves on to a new letter.

This entry is brought to you by the letter B.

Yet unveiled masterpieces: $?

The grandest situational irony of my life is the contrast between my loathing & fear of technology while being sucked into it professionally and academically at the same time.

I accidentally have a gig as a tech guru and have memorized the call numbers for books on creepy post-human things. I'm all set to be Google employee #725 with a bar code on my face.

My real deal, however, is a Luddite on the make - I'm afraid of txt messages, toothbrushes with batteries, and anything that starts with a lowercase 'i'.

Fattie's posthuman cat dish: $0, gift

Stained glass window: $0, roadside find

Maybe I'm alone in this behaviour. I suspect I'm not.

I walk by this book shelf at least a dozen or so times a day. Gradually its significant pitch to the right starts to irk me. The shelves start looking like bows, not arrows. Irk. Cat chow and dust gather around its feet. Irk. The art work on the wall next to it is all wrong - wrong size, wrong height, wrong vibe. Irk.

Finally, I snapped. I hauled everything out of the corner and off the walls. Swept. Mopped. De-cat-chowed. Emptied shelves and flipped the bookshelf onto the floor. Slammed a few dozen nails into it, staple gunned fabric to the back, righted it, sorted books by colour, added new cultch.

And I got rid of a end-table in a totally unrelated destash.

Man, that felt GOOD.

My Time: $0, but never wasted

I've been a serious electronic friend neglecter lately. I'm sure I'm behind at least 23 good blog posts, a month of proud parent photos for no less than a half-dozen kids, and then there are un-commented travel photos on Facebook, a stray e-mail or twenty.

In a scroll-fest last night Emily's Etsy favourites caught my eye. Facebooking ensued.

Erin

12:30 Emily, I just took a look at your blog . . . I bought that set of wheat motif pyrex bowls before Christmas for $2.99 at Goodwill

Emily

12:38 WHAT????????

12:38 the gods are good to you, my friend

12:39 and you know you can sell them for about ten times that if you ever need to dig yourself out of some phd debt

12:39 :) how do you do it?? do you give lots of trash back as offering? i don't understand

Ah, yes, the trash gods ARE good to me, but to you as well. They are yours (eventually).

Small: $1.49

Medium: $1.99

Large: $2.49

You know when people get really dehydrated and then when you finally get some H2O you're not supposed to drink too much 'cause you'll die?

I drank too much.

I didn't go to Goodwill for a few months and then I spent $66.91 in one massive effort to quench the thirst of my treasure loving soul.

Enamel bucket: $.99 at the oasis that is Goodwill

A dumpster on the path home from the subway is my version of on-line shopping. The merchandise comes to you, you can keep an eye on the best deals from the comfort of your own home, returns are no hassle and you can shop 24 hours a day.

Stellar cosmetics box: $0, www.dumpsteronmystreet.com/shop

Oh how sophisticated am I? A magazine rack!

Perfect for that year-old copy of The Economist I mooched from the doctor's office.

Wicker magazine holder: $0, dumpster find

The Economist: I read it for the pictures.

Good things come in threes? Or in twos? Or is that bad things? Whatever. My neighbourhood just had a run on steamer trunks.

I shredded every muscle in my arms dragging the top beast home and the next night the smaller guy came bumping up the stairs with my dad.

The universe must have wanted me to have more storage.

Trunks: $0, roadside finds

Cushion covers: $5 each at Rang

I'm gettin' a little better at operating on a zero-sum policy. I have returned much to the trash gods lately and even brought stuff with me to Goodwill. Although, we're still running a little thick on vessels from which to drink around here.

These are precious because the labelling is delightfully inconsistent. I feel bad for the duck because it gets no descriptor other than her name.

Juice glasses: $.59 each at Goodwill