An yet another entry in "My Abnormal Love for Inanimate Objects" series . . .

Meet Jezebel. She's a badass. The universe, via Julia, who is also a badass, was saving her for me.

We're pretty much inseparable now. Well, except for our sixth day of commuting when I got door-prized. Then we were separated whilst I partook in the benefits of socialized medicine. (Read: got nine stitches in my foot for free at Toronto General).

But by 6pm, we were together again - bloodied, bent, bruised - but still best friends.

My bike: $0, from Julia
New tires: $40, at MEC
Installation: $10, at MEC
Cupholder: $3.95, at MEC
Bell: $0, from Michael
Lights: $11.95, from MEC
Reflective tape: $3.95, from MEC
Lock: $39.99, from Trek
Helmet: $89.99, from Trek (note: thanks! these things really do work)
Wait a minute: Isn't biking supposed to be cheaper than transit?

There are a lot of reasons why I love beads. I got a special bead yesterday that made me cry to get it. That's how much I love beads. Never thought much about it. But then I had some inspired epiphanies.

beads don't judge

they're patient and wait their turn for glory

every single one has a purpose

they never expire

wear out

go out of style.

they know me intimately

as I know them

they speak to me

without talking

when I'm with my beads

it doesn't matter that I cannot

sit still

make up my mind

plan

understand patterns & symmetry

pay attention

take good notes

keep a train of thought

find the idea to end all ideas

it's okay.

though small, beads are not details

they're concepts

visions

masterpieces

never have they elicited any feeling other than

joy

happiness

satisfaction

they're like my little secret

the one thing that I am unequivocally good at:

puttin' beads on a string

I scored this (see above) once-tangled broken mess of jewellery at Goodwill on Friday for $12.49. One significant Zip-lock full of bliss. Below are some (repeat: some) of the highlights.

My day job has me blogging over here.

K. I blow at following instructions. Both in a metaphysical and quite literal way. Whatever evolutionary adaptation dictates that humans can follow recipes, not blow things up in an undergrad chem lab, and assemble Kinder eggs, I didn't get. If I can't freestyle it I can't do it.

I walked and used public transit for the first time in two months because my efforts to install a bike rack ended in it hanging off the bike by one over-tightened bolt and a sheet of (clearly possessed) instructions on the garage floor.

So, girlfriends, I am recruiting you (yes, you, Laura, Emily, and Alex M.) to teach me a basic knitting skill the next time I see you . . . squares and rectangles are getting exhaustingly boring and my how-to books are about to become kindling. (EDIT: I FORGOT ANDREA)

Rest of the stash described below: $9.99

Finding massive, rammed-full bags of yarn at Goodwill is one of the most eye-twinkle inducing occasions in my life. The score of serious craft loot is reason enough to be jazzed. But it's always so fun for me to go home, dumped it all on the floor, and meet the woman who parted (voluntarily or by death) with her stash. This woman clearly was a child of the Depression. Half used skeins were carefully wrapped in two-foot lengths of scrap yarn, nothing over six-inches long was wasted, and now I have fistfuls of golf-ball sized balls of yarn. There were even some unopened balls at least 30 years old from a defunct Canadian department store.

I'm going to keep all these little guys and make something snazzy. I think it's what she would have wanted.

Big bag of yarn: $9.99 at Goodwill

My poor arthritic momma insisted on giving herself a head start on the walk to the subway so that she wouldn't hold up me and my dad. I got distracted by this dumpstered vase and had to cart it back home. Dad kept going. So that left some kind of Green family parade on the route to Eglinton West. Mom about 500m ahead of Dad, and me lagging by about the same.

Remember, as far as anyone knows, we're a nice, normal family.

Vase: $0, roadside find
Ornaments: $.25/pk at IKEA

I enjoy my personality. I really do. I've never seriously wanted to be someone else. Maybe snag their dress-size or their transcript or something, but not really full-on trade lives. But man oh man, my detail-hating-anti-perfectionist-impatient streak really makes some things kinda hard.

Exhibit A: Uneven paint job
Exhibit B: Seven attempts at peeling and sticking Buddha
Exhibit C: Failure to notice that this 14lb frame can't be hung

Frame: $0, roadside find
Buddha sticker: $2, Dollarama
Paint: $1, Dollarama

Do you remember in Grade 4 when your big science fair project was to dunk some white carnations in a glass of water and blue food colouring? You know, to make the tips of the carnations look like hypothermia is setting in. And if you were a really top notch student you could splice the stem and merge a glass of blue and a glass of red water, to generate something that was marginally less ugly than carnations (sorry, not a big fan).

These pretty girls are a throw back to the days when it wasn't hard to be a genius at school.

Ugly fake flowers: $0, roadside find

And, well, look at how well I was brought up. Scalin' dumpsters since 1949.

Spring is in the air, indeed.

Molson Canadian: $10.95/6 at The Beer Store

You know the 7-year itch?Well me & Toronto have it bad. It came to a head on Good Friday. My dream of a bike ride to the park and quiet picnic turned into a trail traffic jam and ending in being wedged between a 3 day-old cricket match and a uncoordinated mother-daughter soccer game. Yes. A trail traffic jam. There were so many ugly dogs and strollers and geezers and obnoxious pre-teen boys and regular walkers & runners & bikers that I couldn't move on the trails.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
I live in a city where I have to own a car to go get some fresh air.

This gauzy, romantic photo is brought to you by the single source of full sunlight in my apartment. That trusty south-facing window . . . with a clear view of nothing but the CN Tower.

Retro Tin: $2.99 at my saving urban grace, Goodwill

I have to sew two buttons back onto the cuff on my spring coat. I can't do it. I just can't. It such a blah task. You have to dig around for thread. Realise that the half spools of pink, yellow, and red, really won't cut it on a green velvet jacket. Walk to the Dollarama. Re-re-re-re-affirm that Dollarama thread is crap. Go home. Ignore it. Move the buttons around three or four times, each time vowing to a) remember where you put the extra buttons and b) promise yourself that you'll sew them on tomorrow. Feel guilty when tomorrow comes. Go to Fabricland. Drool all over a long sequence of tie-dyed flannels, batiked cottons, and toile quilting materials. Forget the thread. Go home. Scold yourself. Bite the bullet. Decide that yellow thread is least offensive. Find needles. Spill needles. Curse. Find your expensive sewing scissors in the kitchen. Curse that someone poached them for cutting chicken. Clean them with alcohol. Get distracted by other alcohols. Eventually trim. Put coat spring coat away because it is now summer.

But, buying buttons? Now that I can do.

June 26, 1979 batch of "Osprey" buttons: $3.99 at Goodwill

It's always great to find people with useless habits and hobbies. It makes me feel more in tune with the universe; like futility is not my possession alone.

Some dude(tte) down the street went on a hand-turning binge and cranked out a few dozen spools. Then thought to stack 'em all together in something totally useless. Until it met me.

It now houses my Etsy inventory. Brilliant, eh?

The only spool tower in the world: $0, roadside find

So I got an old bike from Julia two weeks ago today. I named her Jezebel because she's a badass. By badass, I mean a cute little 70's cherry coloured 10-speed, but I love her. Between Jezebel & my huge backpack there's no limits to the trash picking!

Yesterday's discovery? This Sotheby's worthy yellow vase.

Throw in 20lbs of beer, text books, water, bike lock, picnic lunch, and 8kms up hill and I'll be a freakin' Victoria's Secret model by Labour Day.

Vase: $6.99 at Goodwill

The redeeming graces of having a lousy show are in good number. High among these came on my mission to scout out The Gladstone way the heck down in west west queen west parkdale west westness. Outside the now-conquered hipster hang, a very courteous architect left crates of binders and samples for the picking. I didn't even know I wanted swatches of interior sun control fabrics until last week. Man oh man, craftliciousness awaits.

Few binders, swatches of fabric and metals: $0, roadside find
(sales for the evening) - (vendors fee, supplies, two cases of smuggled beer) = $37

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