I think my memoir (and there will be a {self-published} memoir) should have a chapter on the bumps & bruises & broken bones my poor body has endured.

Alexis and I had long standing plans to go horseback riding for our early-June birthdays. Given my solid track record of sustaining freak-klutz-humiliating accidents, I manned up with sturdy hiking boots and a jugular hugging helmet.

Didn't so much bank on having a cranky horse chomp my back. I'll never take my rotator cuff for granted again.

Trail ride: $40

Horse denture imprint: $0

Full body armor and a giant hamster ball: $$$?

I'm a bad plant mother. I really am. The Fatster squawks when she's hungry, howls when the litter box situation is less than mint, but . . . oh boy am I ever a bad plant mother. I'd like to craft a wittier post, but there's a heap of guilt in the form of brown leaves sitting over my shoulder that I want to attend to.

Pot that will know no soil: $3.99 at Goodwill

Well, well. After more than two and a half years on the make, the conference I've been working on starts next week.

I'm staying with Laura. So you should go visit her, too.

Also, my friend Alexis slays me with her Googling prowess and general weirdness. She's an amazing person for too many reasons to list without sounding a little creepy. Spend some time with her . . .

See you on the other side of insanity . . .

Erin

Want to know something kinda creepy?

I was selling my masterpieces at a show in April, and this dude walked in, took a quick look and said, "You're a Gemini." I am.

Finding target audience: $0, astrology

There's this one India tourism ad that makes my heart bleed with desire every time I see it. A brilliantly costumed, three camel fleet is drifting around in ankle deep turquoise water with the Taj Mahal interrupting an otherwise clear horizon. I swear I can feel my credit card jitter with excitement, too.

But then I remember that, oh yeah, Erin, you'd die from heat in like 32 seconds in India.

Look at billboard: $0

Live billboard: An expensive opportunity to whine

I think this is one of the coolest things I have yet to see in my life (scroll a bit). It took me a few hours to figure out why this was so striking. I love putting beads on women; that much is no secret. And not that I've sold a tonne of masterpieces, but between the bead store, a few shows, bunch of gifts there's probably 200 or more of my creations drifting around the ether.

I'm used to seeing my stuff on my mom, sisters, and me. I always have a sense that friends and family are somewhat indulging me. And strangers just buy my stuff and walk away.

I've never seen any others on anyone else. It was so weird. So weird. Can you believe that a necklace of mine is on an obviously gorgeous and spirited Italian woman? She's going to walk down the street in Milan and pick up her kids and eat supper tonight. I felt like Stella McCartney. I feel like I have the potential to be a Stella McCartney. It is that uplifting.

Can you imagine if I ever see someone in Toronto wearing a Money Can't Buy Taste?

Laura do you ever get totally tripped out when you think about all your books all over the world filled with most mysterious and unknowable things?

Now, I finish that little beast on the floor that I think is rather ugly. Don't know if I can salvage this one . . .

The advantages of biking are many. The advantages of a milk crate on my bike are many more. Once I get the hang of not bouncing around & properly protecting and, therefore, not breaking two-thirds of what goes in the crate, I'm going to be sailing!

Success!: $2.49, %50 off at Goodwill

I gotta say the attention seeking middle child in me is rather enjoying this situation. I met one of my blog stalkers (hey, Ali!) and my friend Susan has been clamoring for a shout-out in a post. In my small world, that's fame.

Pier 1 thing: $0, destash from Sue

Birth order: $0. circumstance

I'm not so much a fan of genetic testing, but I'm sure my genome would be helpful in identifying the genetic roots of taking all the wrong kinds of things seriously.

I dug through 16 racks of MEC bags to find one with a sport I enjoy. No dice.

I do not "j'aime pagayer".

Stares from MEC employees: $.95

My undergrad history prof told my medieval history class that the chances of anyone having a truly original idea was slim to none. At least that's what his undergrad history prof told him.

I think there's more hope for me than Dr. Lundell. He was a bit sober.

Inspiration: $0, scraps from flyers, paint chips, snapshots, cut up magazines, brochures, and books.

I have two sisters. One older by three years. One younger by two. People often say that they've never met siblings who are more different from each other than us three.

I don't know if Alana's taste in Mexican Hello Kitty juicers confirms or refutes this.

Either way, go visit her store: Cats Say Nyan

Japanese Kitsch: ¥400

If I wore one of my masterpieces every day, it'd take more than six months before I'd have to wear a repeat. If I wore more than one of my masterpieces every day, it'd take more than six months before I could walk again.

$3000 worth of beads: $3000

Okay, so birthdays are invariably narcissistic, so we may as well acknowledge this and plow forward. This is all about me.

Today is the great 28th of this blogging creature! Here's one for every year of my lucky life.

#0 I was born jaundiced with black hair, neither lasted long.

#1 My mom kept scooping stuff outta my throat. I'm not choking, mother. Bite.

#2 Lannie was born. I dragged her into a closet. Sorry, Lan.

#3 Started reading. Started life of nerddom.

#4 I was convinced Duck Feeder was a real profession. And I wanted to be one.

#5 Rush colouring job on the "G" for Gorilla. No sticker. Total bummer.

#6 Got a funky pencil topper for being a good kid from Mrs. MacIntosh

#7 Was taller than my Grade 2 teacher. Was relegated to an import desk in the back of the class. The humiliation.

#8 Insisted on writing a creative story about the evolutionary origins of cheetah spots. Bullet holes, of course.

#9 Passed a mean note around the class about Sean H.

#10 Heard the funniest joke ever whilst perched on a snowbank. What is a flauge, and why do camels always wear it? Thanks, Adam Do.

#11 Picked second last for soccer baseball. Always. I'm sure last would have stung just as much.

#12 Skipped a grade. Yup, that was social suicide.

#13 Realized I was the fat kid.

#14 Got my first pitty pat. Racer Ramone Ambato Green MacMinn.

# 15 The spine on my math book creaked when I returned it to my teacher in June. Big fan of homework I was not.

#16 Passed road test. Too bad y'all missed the only parallel park of my life.

#17 Good riddance' BHS

#18 Shit, university is scary.

#19 Tie-dyed lab coat. Way to be a freak show, Green.

#20 Inaugural falling out of love.

#21 Shit, Toronto is scary.

#22 Why do one Master's when you can do two?

#23 Gave up on church, but not Jesus.

#24 Beads discovered me.

#25 Apparently Norway is nice in January. Way to grip my heart, Scandinavia.

#26 Why do three degrees when you can do four?

#27 Collected a solid amount of grey hair. It's cool. I'm cool.

#28 Scary how much life can surprise you in a year, eh?

Life: Free and infinitely expensive all at once.